Let’s pay the multi-million dollar invoices to whatever agency fooled Gatorade into giving up it’s long-standing brand; have a board meeting talking about synergy, blue-skying new ideas, and how quarterly revenues are up by 4% in stores open more than a year; and call it a day knowing that all you’ve done is annoy the hell out of sports fans. Honestly – “lower-cased god”? I’d vomit in my own mouth, if anything beond self loathing was left from the vomitacular of watching the commercial in the first place.

Set your sophomoric joke phasers to stun

That’s my mom’s house… You done yet? Because my mom is a really nice lady and probably didn’t deserve that. Grow up.

Hurricane Gustav roared ashore Monday and made “landfall” in Cocodrie, Louisiana down the bayou near Houma and Port Fouchon. I’ve been to these places – small Louisiana towns out at the end of a dirt road that some oil company or shimp boat captain built way down some chenier or levee. The hurricane turned northward and pounded Baton Rouge harder than LSU fans pound Abita at a tailgate. My brother reported that 94mph winds were recorded at his office at Dow. Trees were down, power was out, and roads were impassible; my father couldn’t even go check on Ms. Sarah because of power lines.

Hurricane Gustav: we’re stupidly over you. Think this disaster is too far away to affect you? Not so, Handsome Faithful (yes, it’s capitalized). I planned on using all my blogging energy on covering Sunset Junction, Los Angeles restaurant reviews, and some classic Handsome Party. Instead, I was pouring forth all my effort and worry into covering the hurricane and relief efforts at TakePart. Feel free to check it out to see what the storm was like. Haters make the best lovers, so turn your hate against the storm into something positive by checking out ways you can TakePart to help the people of Louisiana.

Microsoft's Mojave Experiment Teaser Page

How does Handsome do it? How can we already be over something that hasn’t launched yet? First of all, knowledge isn’t just power, it’s Handsome. We found out about the Mojave Experiment from a Twitter feed we follow (check out our 140 character rants if you’re up to it) and did a little research about its origins. Microsoft ran a program where users tried the new Windows ‘Mojave’ operating system, but (gotcha!) it’s just Vista. And apparently, the test subjects liked it.

We’re over it. Listen Microsoft, Vista sucks, but it’s not just Vista that did it. It was years of sloppy, unorganized product development, rushed releases, never ending security problems, and buggy operations that steered us away. Throw in a brand new visual language with no option to use a classic mode or easing into it and you’re right, we’re not satisfied w/ Vista (Big Handsome is currently running an all-Apple operation).

Credit where credit is due – we ran a powerful XP machine for over a year at work and it worked just fine. Also, Windows Server 2003 is a great OS that I’d use to run everything. However, this late in the game after your fledging competitor has been skewering you in the national media, a crappy overdone viral marketing campaign is NOT going to save you. Neither is a $300m contract with an aggressively hip ad agency. We’re bored with big companies spending money to look like they weren’t spending money just as bored as we are with women spending hundreds of dollars on sweatpants to look homeless.

Nope – it’s sucking it up, realizing your an industry leader, and starting to act like one by making groundbreaking, reliable products.

Whiny bitches are not allowed at training camp

Despite the fact that should a certain member’s girlfriend ever find this point it could be grounds for termination, we are officially over Brett Favre. It all started with a heartfelt, teary-eyed retirement speech shortly after the Giants (who had defeated the Packers in a crushing, last minute win in the division championships) won their surpirse victory over the Patriots. I don’t care who you are, everyone has to feel for a Super Bowl-winning Old Yeller getting put out to pasture.

Then the rumors started… but these were expected, right? Nothing was going on in the NFL and a little old fashioned rumor mongering about a great-but-now-”retired” quarterback makes for good news when nothing is going on and the NBA playoffs haven’t started yet. In recent weeks you can’t turn on ESPN without coming across another ridiculous story about whether or not Favre would show up to training camp or what his value as an old man is on the market.

We’re over it. Brett – you’re a fantastic Hall of Fame quarterback with great fantasy stats. Let it be. Please stop playing football while you’re ahead, you have as much dignity as anyone from Mississippi can have, and you ended with a remarkable season that went further than anyone could have imagines.

Yours – The Handsome Association