Dr. Handsome and Pretty Handsome in their summer suits circa 2007

…and spend money doing it. You wear your swimsuit when you’re already half naked (also known as “half Handsome” in some circles), so we think it’s important you put forth at least a touch of effort to find something that makes you look decent. It’s what women do with their suits ad infinitum, and what you do with all your other suits (work, formal, sweat, birthday), so why not bathing suits? The assumption is that you won’t wear it that often, that no one will care, or that it isn’t worth it.

WRONG. How long has it been since you got a new swimsuit? 3 years? 5 years? Longer? Are you using a random set of board shorts you found in the bag of a loaned surfboard, or an awful orange pair you got in sale one late October in Florida at a Wal-Mart that were the only ones you could find, but hey, $7-for-a-swimsuit is pretty good? (Dirty Handsome = guilty of both) Even if you dropped $100 on a suit, which you won’t have to, divide that over the course of even 3 years and $33 a year (no rounding – math makes our head hurt) is a pretty reasonable expense for something you’ll wear at least 5 times a summer.

Finding a good suit is easy enough. First, start where you get your other clothes, particularly your fundamentals and standards. If you wear a lot of Armani, see if Armani has swimsuits (they do); if you wear a lot of Gap, see if they have swimsuits (also do). We wear a fair amount of J Crew and think their simple swim trunks in both solids and madras (should you start feeling the Cape) are Handsome choices.

Second, get swim trunks, not just any old suit. The distinction? Trunks have a solid waistband, shorter legs, and no netting. Elastic wastebands squeeze your inevitable pudge (don’t know about you, but we’re pushing 30 and look it). Long board short legs make you look short while half naked (aka half Handsome); furthermore, they prevent you from tanning above the knees and keep you from making even more vitamin D. Netting is all over my balls like the cheerleading squad on prom night, and when I’m in the ocean I’m there to feel the float. All of these things combine to make you look short, fat, and ball-tied. Going with a decent pair of trunks you avoid all these things. Most come in normal pant sizes, so if you’re a 33 you get a 33, not a ‘medium’ or ‘large.’ Keep in mind this is advice for all types and ages of Handsome – as always, something that fits well always looks better, regardless of it you’re a dwarf or Yao Ming.

Last, try it on. Seriously. I hate trying on clothes as much as anyone and know my sizes inside and out. But dude. Half Handsome for the next 5 summer. Try. It. On.

Photographic evidence of summer anticipation

Summer is right around the corner, and now is the time to get your self together. We’ll be posting a few things over the coming months to serve as a checklist of men’s fashion advice, grooming tips, and healthy steps to take to make sure you’re ready for summer. We will make this your Summer of Hansome.

Don’t trust us? Handsome Headquarters is in Southern California, where there are only two seasons: Summer and Summer Lite. We got to beach in January. We know our shit in this particular area.

Explanation of the picture after the jump.You seriously doubted that the picture was in anticipation of summer 2009? This was taken the weekend before Memorial Day in Washington DC, one of the most patriotic and summer loving cities this fine nation has to offer. Notes:

• To hell with the last throes of spring, we were so ready for summer we were out on the porch with the barbeque grill
• That’s sparkling shiraz in our hands, one of the penultimate summer beverages… that’s right, so awesome that it’s adjective includes a prefix that indicates its ultimate like twice or thirty goddamn times.
• Think that Blackberry in our hand is a sign that we’re lame corporate sellouts? Not at all (the slacks on a Sunday are a sign we’re lame corporate sellouts). That is a sign we’re prepping our thumbs for playing hooky -  the inevitable July summer “cold” where we work on our constitution at the beach, all while replying to email so we don’t get too far behind. That’s practicing Advanced Handsome.
• This is an away game – everyone knows Handsome HQ is in Los Angeles. Travel during the summer is mandatory, and seeing old friends makes it twice the delight.

That is all. Keep a lookout for more Summer of Handsome updates just around the bend.

Don't bring your weakness to the Preakness

We’re fortunate enough to have a fellow Association member who has a long running tradition of attending the Preakness Stakes every year at Pimlico near Baltimore and Washington DC. It’s a great weekend away: get drunk with your friends, scream at animals, and making money. Like any large event, the Preakness has a widely varied crowd from high style to low brow. We put together a pictures of few of our favorites from the Association, friends of the Association, and the crowd after the jump for you to enjoy.

Blood not included - but encouraged

Sperrys. Why worry about summer fashion for 2009, with 2010 right around the corner and nothing but the worst economic recession in 80 years looming in between? Besides, when it comes to the best men’s shoes, always go for the classics. Most men’s formal shoes can be used for a lifetime: you take care of them, you resole them, you only wear them when appropriate. Spending $300 on a pair of formal black cap toes or brown leather oxfords makes sense if you take care of them. They’re an investment.

On the other hand, your casual shoes can take a real beating: you wear them out dranking at night, trudge around the grass for outdoor summer events during the day, take them to the beach, toss them into weekend bags, and on and on.  Don’t let this discourage you. Your fashion summer is right around the corner, and you can do it for a reasonable price.

Sperry boat shoes are classic kicks in the East Coast style. Personally, we recommend the Sperry Topsider Stiper. We think the distinguishing feature is the salt weathered canvas exterior. It looks worn enough to not need constant attention from the dust, beer, and blood you pick up cruising around the summer, especially with a coating of spray shoe protector. They’ll look spic-n-span for a few months, then once the coating fades you can let the natural shoe degradation process Handsomely take its course. We’re also fans of the thick laces and the surprisingly comfortable gel insolse. Seriously, we can’t stress how cushy these old man shoes really are.

We know what you’re thinking, but restrain yourself. The classic leather boat shoes Sperry makes are classic enough for most to pull off, but skip them in a nod to your youth and a snuff to the faux country club crowd in a suburban Texan town. Want to take the look to the next level of casual? Check out the Striper slip-ons.

Best of all? Sperry’s entire product line is under $100. You’ll float the the Recession Summer in high style.

Boat Shoe Theory: If it's good enough to get you in bed with Maryln Monroe, it's good enough for all of us.

They probably have the color you're looking for

Uniqlo is a Japanese clothing store that Handsome considers to be the Japanese H&M – a huge retail store stocked with dirt cheap essentials from t-shirts to suits. We were turned to Uniqlo when GQ featured some of their jackets in an issue about 6 months ago. As much as we’d like to buy every great looking suit they feature from the likes of John Varvatos and others, we’re not exactly Old Man Moneybags. Seeing anything suit-like featured in GQ for under $500 warrants attention, and Uniqlo was added to our mental list of things to do whenever we went to New York next.

First and foremost – what is it with businesses that start with a ‘U’ and having some sort of robot on hand to do their dirty work? It’s still our Handsome opinion that these organizations have seriously underestimated the danger of these enslaved automatons acquiring lasers. It’s all down hill from there.

The Uniqlo robot was built by Mitsubishi to exemplify polite human interaction. We had a great time asking it what it’s name was, and what time it was. Similarly, we’re not entirely sure why you couldn’t simply check your phone for the time and avoid a costly robot all together, but having a machine-slave on hand made the place feel more Japanese-y.

In addition to the variety and price, one of the best things about Uniqlo is the fit of the clothes. Dress shirts didn’t fit like blouses and sweaters didn’t fit like blankets. Throw in a Merino wool sweater for $80 and we were sold. Having forgot his jacket somewhere last winter, Dirty Handsome picked up a smart jacket that was cut close enough to wear over slacks and a shirt, but tough enough to weather the occasional Los Angeles winter rain storm. It looked great from early in the morning as the first breezes of fall blew well into late New York nights when bars never seem to close.

Functional, colorful, affordable – perfect, no? We thought the only way to get your hands on the clothes was to visit the flagship store in Soho, but while digging for its address we found that you may be able to order over the telephone (877 4-UNIQLO). Otherwise, put it on your docket for your next Handsome East Coast romp.

BONUS – for fun, check out Uniqlo’s Clio award winning Uniqlock campaign. It’s a mesmerizing clock featuring a group of random Japanese ballerina’s dancing their way through what looks like the world’s cleanest high school. Again, there are probably easier ways to find out what time it is in Tokyo, but if you’re already going to the robot, you might as well check the internet, too.

Uniqlo
546 Broadway
New York, NY 10012
(between Prince St & Spring St)

Sympathy for the devil?

Same advice for shoes and ladies: fill them every night and keep them shapely

Handsome Recommends: Rochester Shoe Trees. Men’s style is a head-to-toe affair, and men’s shoes are one of the most stylish, classic, and important investments you can make. It can be a hard investment to make – good shoes are expensive – and since men are children until the day they die they never really forget when they were growing up and needed a new pair of shoes every four months from age 12 until age whenever they got off their asses and became men.

Once you buy in, it’s important to protect that investment. Gentlemen, with all the shuffling about around the office, to lunch, to your transportation of choice, eating and what not, you inevitably start to sweat inside your nice shoes, break creases inside your nice shoes, and scuff your nice shoes. I know what you’re thinking –

“I am a fucktard.” This is true; however, there is a way to help preserve your shoes and make them easier to shine (you are shining your shoes, aren’t you?). Shoe trees are inserts that go in your shoes keeping them taut (but not stretched) in their best shape. This prevents creases and makes them easier to shine. Most shoe trees are made of cedar, which protects the leather by naturally wicking out moisture. A bonus feature of cedar is it’s pleasant odor, which will keep your shoes smelling like a freshly-cleaned hamster cage or a sawmill in old Vermont insted of a stinking pile of hot summer garbage on a street in New York you hatefully created during your soul-crushing day at work. We recommend Rochester Shoe Trees – they’ve been making shoe strees since the 1930′s right here in America using American trees, Amercian crafstmanship, and American awesome.

Dirty Handsome has been using trees in his loafers and his cap toes or a few months and is still surprised at how good they like. Granted, what fills the shoes is so damned good looking it’d be hard to go wrong, but at least with shoe trees he can inch his smug up just a little more knowing he’s protected his investment. Shouldn’t we all be as smug?

Stay crisp and fresh - collar stays

Handsome Recommends: Stayclip collar stays. You know those little plastic pieces that dress shirts come with inside the collars? These are not to be tossed aside with all of the other extraneous pins, paper, and plastic that your dress shirts come with. They’re collar stays – a nice, simple touch that’ll keep you looking dapper all day long. And as any modern gentleman knows, anything that keeps you looking like you’ve been ironing without actually involving ironing is worth further investigation.

Problem is this – keeping these little buggers straight can be complicated. Each pair goes with a different shirt, even varying within a certain brand. They’re small enough to lose into the folds of luggage – even worse, small enough to forget to pack them at all (…easy way to look like  slouch at a wedding). Worst of all, if you forget to take them out of your shirt they’ll curl in the drier, rendering them useless.*

Enter Stayclip Collar Stays. These handsome stays (or collar bones as they’re occasionally/awesomely known) are made of metal, and as everyone knows, metal in a shirt makes your more manly. The author recommends the brushed steel, but they come in all manner of metal. They don’t curl, but you can bend them should your collar require it. The set recommended comes in a variety of shapes and has a handy organizer that you hang by your shirts (and can take traveling) so you don’t forget to take them out. But fuck it – steel doesn’t melt in the drier, it shines like American freedom.