Get a New Pair of Swim TRUNKS
…and spend money doing it. You wear your swimsuit when you’re already half naked (also known as “half Handsome” in some circles), so we think it’s important you put forth at least a touch of effort to find something that makes you look decent. It’s what women do with their suits ad infinitum, and what you do with all your other suits (work, formal, sweat, birthday), so why not bathing suits? The assumption is that you won’t wear it that often, that no one will care, or that it isn’t worth it.
WRONG. How long has it been since you got a new swimsuit? 3 years? 5 years? Longer? Are you using a random set of board shorts you found in the bag of a loaned surfboard, or an awful orange pair you got in sale one late October in Florida at a Wal-Mart that were the only ones you could find, but hey, $7-for-a-swimsuit is pretty good? (Dirty Handsome = guilty of both) Even if you dropped $100 on a suit, which you won’t have to, divide that over the course of even 3 years and $33 a year (no rounding – math makes our head hurt) is a pretty reasonable expense for something you’ll wear at least 5 times a summer.
Finding a good suit is easy enough. First, start where you get your other clothes, particularly your fundamentals and standards. If you wear a lot of Armani, see if Armani has swimsuits (they do); if you wear a lot of Gap, see if they have swimsuits (also do). We wear a fair amount of J Crew and think their simple swim trunks in both solids and madras (should you start feeling the Cape) are Handsome choices.
Second, get swim trunks, not just any old suit. The distinction? Trunks have a solid waistband, shorter legs, and no netting. Elastic wastebands squeeze your inevitable pudge (don’t know about you, but we’re pushing 30 and look it). Long board short legs make you look short while half naked (aka half Handsome); furthermore, they prevent you from tanning above the knees and keep you from making even more vitamin D. Netting is all over my balls like the cheerleading squad on prom night, and when I’m in the ocean I’m there to feel the float. All of these things combine to make you look short, fat, and ball-tied. Going with a decent pair of trunks you avoid all these things. Most come in normal pant sizes, so if you’re a 33 you get a 33, not a ‘medium’ or ‘large.’ Keep in mind this is advice for all types and ages of Handsome – as always, something that fits well always looks better, regardless of it you’re a dwarf or Yao Ming.
Last, try it on. Seriously. I hate trying on clothes as much as anyone and know my sizes inside and out. But dude. Half Handsome for the next 5 summer. Try. It. On.
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