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What up lawya? *Update* Teddie Stevens!

Ready for some spontaneous human combustion? The excitement continues here at Big Handome now that Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) is guily on seven charges (that’s all of them, for those keeping count at home) of corruption for taking gifts from folks including a home remodel and furniture from savory types like oil companies. Our first post in our ongoing but infrequent ‘What up, lawya?‘ series was about Uncle Ted getting indicted, and now we’ve seen this one through to completion.

Best of all? Senator Stevens has decided he’s not dropping out of the senate race in his home state of Alaska. While we often encourage and engage in such ballsy/unrealistic/foolish behavior (Handsomely, of course), this is an especially ludacrous (awesome?) move because it may jeaopordize the Republican’s chances of holding their senate seat in Alaska. Our observations and prognostications after jump:

  • Stevens’ wife sort of sold him out with a poor and inconsistent performance testifying. Hell of a way to pay back a husband busy working hard, cohorting with evil oil men, and lying the family’s way into a new house. Sheesh.
  • Senator Stevens (whom we will soon be referring to as ‘Jailbird Stevens’) will begin hand exercises to be certain he can keep the soap nice and safe.
  • Bridges to Nowhere lobbying groups are suddenly seeing a drop off in support.
  • Alaska will be the tipping point in the election toward giving the Dems ‘the magic 60.’
  • We originally thought ‘the magic 60′ was something you did to a girl on a third date, but some ‘fact checking’ ruined the fun of that one.
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3 comments

  1. jkwh posted on October 29, 2008:

    The moment I heard about Stevens’ conviction, I thought of you… so, I guess when i think of greed and corruption, i think of you…

  2. Bret posted on October 30, 2008:

    Actually, ‘the magic 60′ is a position quite close to the 69, but 9 notches off on the seximeter. It’s the sweet spot.

    When I refer to Stevens in writing, it will now be Senator Ted Stevens (P-Alaska). The stands for PRISON!

  3. eeyun posted on November 5, 2008:

    Way to pull through with the victory, despite being a criminal Senior Stevens!

    Seriously though, what the hell is up with that?

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