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What up Lawya? Ted Stevens Gets Indicted

“What up lawya?” is an ongoing series examining moments where a man needs to seek the advice and counsel of someone we should always keep on retainer – your lawya.

He wont be this smug after dropping the soap.

He won't be this smug after dropping the soap.

Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) was indicted today on corruption charges for ‘making false claims.’ This is pretty awesome for a few reasons. First and foremost, the (very, very, very actually the oldest serving) senior senator is up for reelection this year against a strong Democratic candidate. Hell, he’s up against some other people in his party who in all likelihood less evil than Ted Stevens. Also, Senator Stevens’ actions over the past four decades have proven him to be very un-Handsome.

Like anyone in a pinch, Ted Stevens knows who to call: “What up, lawya? I know my rights; those are just some gifts, counsel.” What sort of false claims has he been busted for? Namely, that the internet is not a truck. WRONG. It is – an incredible truck with lots of pornography. It’s too late to turn around and give back the millions of dollars worth in free home renovations (courtesy of your local oil companies), but Senator Stevens, this is no time to give up. Call yo team! “Whaddup mouthpiece? Need to put a little spin on some ‘ffairs of mine…”

You’ll find that going forward we’re usually rooting for the men in trouble; we all make mistakes and need someone close by with a clear head and sound advice.  But not in this instance – Ted Stevens, as noted, is a complete fuckface. He argued about net neutrality but had no idea what was at stake.  When an Association member’s beloved home state of Louisiana was completely underwater and abandoned by the government he was fighting in the Senate to build a ridiculously expensive bridge to nowhere, and that’s just the tip of

Until next time, keep your friends close and your lawya closer.

PS – check out this ridiculous techno remix of Senator Steven’s famous “Series of Tubes” speech:

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1 comment

  1. Ted Stevens Guilty for Corruption 2008 Election Impact | Big Handsome posted on October 27, 2008:

    [...] gifts from folks including a home remodel and furniture from savory types like oil companies. Our first post in our ongoing but infrequent ‘What up, lawya?‘ series was about Uncle Ted getting [...]

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